It's 30 Years in the Future. . . (Day Two Part One)

"Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available" (whoistheleader2)
06/24/2020 at 15:05 • Filed to: festival of the unexceptional

. . . so let’s take a stroll through the isles of the new American division of the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

It’s 2050 and nostalgia for the 2000s and even the 2010s is strong. We all know not to talk about 2020 and heaven forbid you mention the Lithium Wars that devastated the world in 2029, but the economy has since bounced back. Money is pouring in, people have jobs, and wages have seen meaningful increases after the Glover Bill was passed 8 years ago today.

Most importantly, people have money to buy the dream cars of their youth. However, this is not a normal show. The 2050 edition of the American Festival of the Unexceptional celebrates the formerly mundane turned incredibly rare cars of 2000-2020. Part two, if you missed it.

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Later in the day the judges will be announcing the winners. The categories are the following: Most Unexceptional Car, Most Unexceptional SUV/truck, Best Backstory, and Most Lit. Okay, here’s my favorite cars I’ve seen today.

This 2008 Suzuki Grand Vitara comes from the last generation of USDM Suzukis from when they were just throwing everything at the wall to see what stuck. In this case, they decided their first unibody crossover SUV needed to look exactly like a Toyota RAV4. The reason this car, now with only 41,000 miles on it, survived in all original condition is remarkable: A Toyota dealer took it on a trade in in 2013, right after Suzuki left the market. No one would buy it so they applied fake badging to sell it as a Toyota RAV4. However, their customer found out and won a big settlement with the dealership. She thought it was so funny that she owns the car to this day, albeit with the correct badging applied.

This pre facelift 2007 Subaru B9 Tribeca is a rare bird indeed. No one actually knows anything about the car. The last dealer service was in 2009 when it had 17,010 miles and the next available record is from 2041 when it went to auction with 391,023 miles. The ugly duckling got a new paint job and was lightly refreshed, but is in surprisingly good shape for such high mileage. No one can really explain this one.

This 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer Sportback is one of the only remaining original USDM examples of this uncommon body style. There are four others known to exist in the US, but they are all modded. The car is still owned by its original owner who bought it brand new. She only stopped dailying the car last year after it hit 100,000 miles, turning back to the newly reopened Mitsubishi dealer she visited 40 years ago to drive home in a brand new Mirage GS4 Wagoback plug in hybrid. Her old car can’t compare to the GS4's 360 horsepower but she says she will hold onto it till the bitter end.

Just barely squeaking in, this 2020 Volvo V90 is still quite a looker. We all know how much of a hit the brand took when “V*lv*” became a derogatory insult as we know it today. The buyer must have either been brave or ignorant not to wait until the company changed its name to Vova and to refuse the free rebranding. Very few remain with original badges and this is one of the best documented ones.

This 2005 Saturn Ion Redline epitomizes “unexceptionally brilliant.” Some tasteful period modifications adorn this ultra rare sports “coupe” inhabiting a n interesting niche at an interesting time. I remember in 2020 you could still snap them up for fairly cheap. That is, before most were burned in protest of Vice President Musk’s colonization of Saturn using convicts in 2026 (after the Ghosn wars of 2022 led to surprising advances in space travel of course). The fact that the ship was named “The Thin Red Line” didn’t help either. With so many anti Lebanon and Anti VP Musk protesters burning Saturns in the street, it’s a wonder the car survived at all.

Well, that wraps up today’s installment. Tell me which cars you think should be nominated for each reward. Remember there are a whole lot more cars at this show than the ones I’ve mentioned.

DISCUSSION (27)

fintail > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 15:41

My sister’s family has a “bullnose” (as I call it) Tribeca today. Still quite a few kicking around in this area, even with Subaru engine quirks.

Funny thing, it belonged to her husband before they got married. She was driving a Sonic, something she bought on a whim while entering divorce from her prior marriage as she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to buy a new car for several years. Fast forward 6 years, and with a kid and big dog, the Sonic was becoming irksome, so what does she want? A Suburban, so they go out and buy a leviathan LTZ. Turns out she hates driving the big tank, and now he drives the Suburban and she drives the Tribeca. Blue with beige leather, apparently he’s attached to it, so they’ll have it for awhile.

VP Musk sounds as bad as the current darkest dumbest timeline, and the idea of meaningful wage increases sounds anti-American :)

WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAnowbacktoGTI > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 15:42

2003 Sunfire. Every cute trashy girl in my hometown of 800 people had one.

Kinja'd!!!

sony1492 > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 15:49

Kinja'd!!!

The qx56 parked beside the Tribeca cast a very literal shadow over the suv lineup

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > sony1492
06/24/2020 at 16:04

I was behind one recently that was new enough to have a backup camera. They literally just made the rear hatch handle smaller so that they could fit a little camera opening on the side. That pretty much sums up the whole vehicle

**furious googling**

Holy crap you can get a Nissan Armada up to $7 0,000!!!!

I still dislike the roofline on those.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAnowbacktoGTI
06/24/2020 at 16:08

It may have been trashy but I don’t think you could call it cute to match. A product too much of its time. These have not aged well.

In my high school, every single basic white girl that wasn’t given a brand new 4Runner drove a black CPO Jetta. Well, except the girl with the bright orange Hummer H2. Every guy drove a hand me down Highlander or similar.

WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAnowbacktoGTI > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 16:14

Sounds like a fancier town than mine.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > fintail
06/24/2020 at 16:15

The Tribeca is still pretty ugly but at least it isn’t overwrought . I also thought the first gen CX-9 was almost unbearably dopey looking but what ones are on the road seem like they are going to stay there for a while. It is the sort of car you either hate and get rid of or love and keep as long as possible.

There is a reason the meaningful wage increases didn’t come under VP Musk. His convict colonization project turned into a disaster when a riot broke out and criminals gained control of Saturn.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAnowbacktoGTI
06/24/2020 at 16:20

Remember this is current as of a few months ago.

The basic white girl car is the Jetta and the rich basic white girl car is the 4Runner. Actually, I think the 4Runner was the cool car you wish you had of my high school for both genders. The hand me downs were almost invariably Toyota Highlanders. Large sedans are also surprisingly popular for those on a budget. One guy had a Buick Park Avenue with a banging sound system that was surprisingly cool. Factory supercharged V6 I think. Old 4x4s were cool but not as common as you might expect.

WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAnowbacktoGTI > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 16:23

The Jetta being the cute girl car of choice is a truth that is starting to span generations. It has been the case for at least 20 years now.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > WasGTIthenGTOthenNOVAnowbacktoGTI
06/24/2020 at 16:24

Specifically, a black CPO Jetta, usually a TSI. Indeed.

fintail > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 16:26

I kind of like the “bullnose” Subarus, remind me of old Saabs.

Did Musk end up in a mental ward or worse? I bet that project didn’t help US standing in the world.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > fintail
06/24/2020 at 16:29

I just don’t like the look on the Tribeca. Too much space to cover.

No, he retired to a private island but is still a figurehead for Tesla and S pace Now (e x SpaceX).

Kiltedpadre > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 16:39

To continue my trend of responding with vehicles I saw at/around work recently that either are or could be on your list I present the following...

I saw two Volvo V90s today one black and one in a gorgeous blue. I also saw an S90 in silver.

I also know there are two Volvo C30’s that run around there too. One lives somewhere not far from me because I was behind him for awhile on the way home one day.

I passed a Suzuki X-90 that’s been sitting at a closed used car lot with a few other random vehicles. It’s been there two years at least at this point.

I saw a post-facelift Tribeca today.

CompactLuxuryFan > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 16:45

If anybody shows up in a Saturn Astra they’ll sure grab the Most Lit award.

My personal award has to go to this shockingly well-preserved Suzuki Forenza, as that family of cars was ever-present in my childhood:

Kinja'd!!!

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > CompactLuxuryFan
06/24/2020 at 17:06

I haven’t seen one of those in ages. There are still plenty of SX4s kicking around (big dealership network here) but those have not had a presence on the streets for years. Sh ocking.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Kiltedpadre
06/24/2020 at 17:08

Ah, the C30. I still see those around every once in a while. X-90 is too 90s. Good spots though.

Kiltedpadre > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 17:43

There’s a Jeep with a for sale sign parked by the X-90. I’m debating about grabbing the number off the sign to see if they have contact info for whoever owns the lots so I can find out what’s going on with the X-90.

I’m just holding off because we need to get rid of my wife’s home before considering dragging anything home.

Under_Score > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 23:19

Forenzas, including a couple wagons, are still running around out here. Maybe you need to head a bit farther west.

Under_Score > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 23:22

Marietta is wealthy!

Our girls got measly c.2011 Jeep Patriots and Compasses . A new car of choice for 16-year-old girls seems to be the 2014-2016 Nissan Rogue.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Under_Score
06/24/2020 at 23:23

Maybe I haven’t been looking for them. There are a surprisingly large amount of Suzukis around. They did have a good dealer network here.

Under_Score > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/24/2020 at 23:35

A guy in my neighborhood worked for Suzuki for years because they had that corporate office out in Kennesaw. When Suzuki went under, it kind of sucked for him. He’s since bounced back with another automotive job, but that was still a bad thing to happen.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Under_Score
06/24/2020 at 23:36

I went to a private school so you had two types. Those who could go there and still live big and those that had to make sacrifices. I was one of the latter .

Ewww, Compasses. The only Patriot was my friends manual EVERYTHING (crank windows, manual locks, 5 speed). Most hand me downs were slightly more expensive when new crossovers.

The girls drove black CPO Jetta TDIs. All of them. Well, an Orange Hummer, a white Focus wagon, and a faded red Fiesta were outliers. One girl’s dad foolishly bought her a purple C class for $4,000. $4,000 in repairs later it was still making her late for class.

Highl anders. Highlanders everywhere! All bearing the scars of new drivers. All the infamous drivers had Highlanders.

I should do a post on high school parking lots. I’ve taken note of all the ones I’ve been to.

We gotta meet up soon. I’ve been busy with summer classes though hmmm.

Here is my car with two friends with matching cars.

Kinja'd!!!

Pretty indicative of the overall automotive landscape except more colorful.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Under_Score
06/24/2020 at 23:42

I remember that office looking rather sad in the days before the company left. They really had a good thing going on with selling cheap but quality cars and left an important niche underserved. . Too bad it was them instead of wretched Mitsubishi. I wouldn’t mind the Ou tlander if they would just give us the Delica!

Under_Score > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/25/2020 at 08:00

I love the extreme censorship of the last photo.

I just assumed you went to Marietta this whole time, so I never outright asked to not violate privacy. I should’ve known when you mentioned a wealthy crowd, as Marietta City Schools isn’t ALL wealthy. I don’t know of any private schools with a somewhat middle class audience and a decent size besides NCC and MP.

There’s Lovett and Blessed Trinity, but those are kind of a different game. I knew someone near me who went to BT, and that was a hike!

As for 4Runners, I wanted a red or blue 2006-2009 Limited for the longest time. This was before I got converted to keyless entry.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Under_Score
06/25/2020 at 10:10

I can’t remember why but I did that “extreme censorship” a long time ago when I was just messin g around.

Not everyone was able to live like they were wealthy and still afford the tuition. Most could afford a good used Jetta though and that was the default choice for non-hand me downs.

No way was I ever going to go to MP. Have you heard how ex pensive tuition is?

4Runners are cool cars, just not not for me. Off-roaders are cool but you pay such a premium for them that I’m not sure it’s worth it. It does make sense if you I tend to only keep the car a short time. I think the newest gen does a much better job than the older one if coming in colors that make it feel as special as it is. Not just s ilver.

Under_Score > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
06/25/2020 at 11:07

I was about to ask about TWS, but I’m like “naw, that’s EXPENSIVE!” My cousin is your age & went there. Mount Paran is priced like the other ones I know, if not better.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Under_Score
06/25/2020 at 11:14

We beat all of the people you mentioned in basketball. I’m no TWS either.